Sometimes Its Just Not For Me.

I had that feeling this last week of excitement, trying out something new and something that I have wanted to do for a long time. Then comes the time! I get to do it, and at first its weird and great at the same time, but then when put to the test things just came crumbling down.....

Last week I was introduced to scuba diving, I was so, so excited, I have wanted to scuba for so long. So into the pool we got last week for our introduction to scuba diving and getting the basic skills down. I thought I did fairly well, I only had one problem with taking my mask off and putting it back on underwater, but that was because my long hair got in the way. This week was the test though! It was time to dive in the deep blue waters of the Caribbean Sea.

I was ready to go! I was all geared up, and ready to fall backwards off the boat into the ocean. Well, it all started from there. First my mask kept filling with water as I was about a foot under the water so I surfaced and went to fix the problem however instead of fixing it, I broke the strap, so I had to get a new one. Okay mask was good to go, and on! Next step, start to sink, or dive. So I deflated my vest slightly and as I slowly stared to sink I could feel my ears needing to be equalized so I took all the right steps to equalize, and I tried to descend slowly. However I kept meeting the same problem, even after I resurfaced again and retried. My right ear just wouldn't equalize, instead it would pressurize even more, to the point that I really felt that the drum might burst. So I surfaced again and decided that it would be best that I would get into the boat and stop for the day as by this point I was pretty tired mentally and I had over used my legs at times to physically I was also tired.

As I swam to the boat and even in the boat I was saddened by the thought that diving just might not be something that I am able to do, and I went through the usual feelings. Frustration that it was just something else to add to the list of things my body just would not let me do, sadness as I felt that I had let Marshall down and myself down, but then after it all, I felt up lifted. I can always try again, and see if I can do it, and if not, well then God has something better for me to do with my time then to dive (I know pretty hard to think that when I could be seeing all of the amazing things in the ocean). I have figured out though that I needed to come to peace with it before it started to swallow me up. I needed to be OK with not doing it, and I AM OK.

I think about this as I typed and that maybe it sounds like I am making it a bigger deal than it really is, but when we work ourselves up for something that we have wanted to do our whole life then only to find out that we can not do it, well it sucks. However the lesson that I have learned is that through it God will bring something else for me, something even better, and for that I am truly excited to see what is in store for me! Perhaps I will be able to dive, but if not, it is ok!!

I think that I need to note for when I read back on this, the bonus of it all, what makes it all worth it, I got to see dolphins swim along side the boat, which was really cool. They are truly magnificent!