crashing down

Well the last week has been an interesting one.
I was evicted from my house, given until the end of June, but given the fact that I am in Scotland in May and camp things, and hoping to work in Lyodd with Marshall I am moving out in a weeks time. Its been great timing with finals apon me, and things getting harder and harder living in a long distance relationship with the person that you want to be with all the time.
I am burnt, my brain is fried, I am back again to needing to sleep all the time, feeling myself falling down and not recovering. I am loosing faith in people and God yet again. Just when I have hope that it is all going to be better, it comes crashing down on me.
Lord what do I do? I am confused, frustrated, and sad. I'm tired of living this way. When can things be good again? Am I in the right place? Am I around the right people? I'm tired of having to pick up the pieces. When I feel like things are going to be okay and life is in a good place something happens, then it all comes down. I fall back into the same feeling. Driving people away, driving myself away. I need your love, your guidence, your strength. My hope is gone, my faith in dwindling, my love is failing. I'm tired, somtimes I want it to all be over, wake from this dream and hope for a better life. I have so much more though then so many others. Why do I feel this way. Where is my life headed? I'm pushing it all away, everyone away. Lord I'm tired, please help me through this. I need your love.
amen