I sit here after a very overwhelming week thinking about the next 3 weeks to come, what they will bring what August will bring, and all I can think of is, how will I get through it all, come out alive, healthy, and how do I finish it all well.
I have been realizing that amongst all that needs to be done, that I need to make the time to do the things that are fun to me. Like spending time with Marshall and going on dates or even having a date at home, planing fun get togethers when I am home again, looking at recipes (yes, I love "reading" recipe books), skyping with family and friends, and coloring (I love coloring books). I have to put aside my own agenda of when things need to be done, or what I need to do and remember that what I need to do sometimes is relax, open my bible, listen to some good music, pray and do something that I enjoy.
I have recognized that I can get stressed out easily, especially when I think that something is very self explanatory but to others it isn't. I have been learning that in these times where I need to explain further or do what ever it is the person needs me to do to explain it, I need to extend extra grace, not only for them but myself and my own expectations. It is not the fault of the person that they can't read my mind, or they aren't "picking up what I am putting down" right away.We all work and think differently.
I know that for me, these things are hard to learn, and hard to go through especially when feeling like I am in a "pressure cooker" setting, but I know that it is good, and that if I wasn't presented with these things that I wouldn't grow as a person. It is through the tough and hard times that we will learn the most and have our hearts changed, being open and aware that there is time for that change is so important because otherwise we will just continue to have to relearn things over and over which I find makes things even harder.
So please if you wouldn't mind as I go through all this, to show me some grace as well, as I am still and always will be as student in life and will always be learning how to be better.
It is a gift of grace when problems, repeated patterns of thought that are hard to escape from, fears, become opportunities to learn something. When we can observe ourselves feeling things but not be engulfed by our feelings...that is a gift of grace. Then what is created is "home" within, a state of being to come to that is comforting and loving.
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