Well, here we are in Puerto Barrios, Guatemala. It is one of those times where I just feel lost. Not physically, where I don’t know where I am, or what I am doing, but mentally. So much has happened in the last four months, trying to process it all, learn from it all, and acknowledge what is next and what isn’t.
Apart of me has been left behind in Belize, I must say that I really do miss the students from the DTS, I do miss the community… and perhaps some of the busyness.. as we are in a slower mode right now. It was a challenging 3 months filled with ups and downs. The ups are what I remember, I don’t really want to remember all the downs.
Lost for words, so lost in love, sweetly broken, wholly surrender
When do you just do something, or make a decision without knowing 100% if it is of God or not. Of course if there is no peace about it, then you wouldn’t choose that path, but what if you had peace, but you felt uneasy about circumstances. Do you just choose, do you wait, do you choose what is best for others, for yourself? What does it mean to totally surrender something to God? To have complete open hands, that it is His, and that you want Him to be in control. I have no idea what to pray anymore, what to say, what to do. I am broken in this, I feel like my puzzle pieces are breaking off and are scattered about.
What can I say Lord, What can I do, but offer this heart oh God completely to you
The last four months seem to have been a constant stream of giving it all to God and just not knowing what’s next, why we are here, why we are going through tough times, why we are meeting amazing people. If it wasn’t for amazing people I don’t think that we would have gotten through some it, and stayed around. Or perhaps it was our stubbornness, and Gods strength, as whenever I was down Marsh was up and when he was down I was up.
What I would love is a clear sign… something even just as simple as a rainbow, or a bird… one that I know everything will be ok, but that it would also say to me in that moment take the right or left fork in the road.
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