I was told a couple of weeks ago that my blog was poorly updated. Not really thinking too much about it I didn't really bother to pay attention to it. However today I come on and see that it has now been over 6 months since last writing, and I am truly disappointed in myself. What happened these last 6 months, its not like I didn't have things to say, news to share, struggles, or some sort of mishap to share with the world. So here I am, sitting outside on the patio, enjoying a bowl of home made mushroom soup (no, not made by me this time) and a glass of wine, yes I am allowed the occasional glass of wine, trying to think of what or how to write about everything that's been going on in my life this last half a year.
The Bistro Express
After working only one job part time for September and October I figured that it was about time I pick up the pace, and paycheck. I was loving my work schedule, working at the bistro only and spending the rest of my time taking up my new hobby Quilting. Working at the bistro was great, it was the fun and relaxed atmosphere that I wanted. I work with some great people, and love having local people coming in all the time. However like I said I needed something more. November rolled around and I remember that I was starting to begin to panic some what. I had some great job offers in Regina, however I didn't want to work in Regina. I don't care for the commute, and the fuel bill. I was then offered a job at the local grocery store in Craven. Its across the highway from my house, so a 2 minute walking commute and knowing all the people that worked there made it an easy transition. Christmas went by filling my already full schedule, then coming to a lull afterwards. In March the main full time staff at the Bistro took off for the month so I was then working full time hours there and then going to the store after working 12-13 hour days 3 days a week. I loved the Bistro, it was nice being there and knowing what was going on, I was hating the store, I would go there after already working a full day of serving and then have to serve more. I was tired. Thankfully April came and all went back to normal, or as normal as it can be!
December 24/ 2009, One of Those Days that Changed My Life
As Marshall and I made our rounds for Christmas, seeing each part of our families, we landed on the 24th of December, the day that we would be in Outlook with his parents. The 23/24 was at Dads in Craven, the 24/25 was at Marshalls Parents in Outlook, the 25/26 was in Saskatoon at moms, and the 26-1 was in Caronport with a bunch of Marshalls other family. So here we were on Christmas Eve. The two of us watching Planet Earth, I had gotten from Dad for Christmas. It was when I had fallen asleep that Marshall left to get prepared.
It was dinner time, we started eating late, and that meant that we had to rush so we could make it into Outlook for the Christmas Eve service. Marshall still in his sweats didn't seem to mind that we needed to go. As we are all bustling around trying to get ready Marsh asks me if I want to go for a walk. I'm thinking a walk? a walk? I would like to the service, and you aren't even ready yet. Amongst it all his parents left without us, not even saying that they were leaving. Well I guess I was going for a walk then.
As we walked out into the brisk night something in my mind went off... was this it? As we walked from the house we went down the road, then I saw it a twinkle in the snow. There sat a read sled atop of the hill waiting for my arrival. I was told to get in, as Marshall pulled me down the snow covered hill with ice candles along path. He pulls me, I with the two hot chocolates he had made for us for the cool walk. Then pulling me past the blazing fire and picnic table done up so nicely he takes me to the trampoline, the place where we had our first "date" at the farm looking up at the stars, in conversation. As he took the drinks out of my hand he knelt down to put them on the ground as I stood up, perfectly planned by the way, and there he asked me the question every girl can't wait to hear since being 3 years old and playing "wedding". He wants to spend the rest of his life with me? Really? Someone does? He really loves me this much? As I start to cry as I say YES he tells me he wants to wait to give me the ring, as not to want to drop it into the deep snow. We then layed staring at the starts for what felt like an hour. It was perfect.
We then took refuge to the fire, warming our hands and feet. He had a blazing one going, and on the picnic table were 4 wine bottles with candles in them, marshmallows, graham crackers and chocolate. So we sat trying to melt our frozen chocolate and thaw our frozen marshmallows to make smores. It was now that we thought it would be okay to take out and make the night official, Marshall pulled the ring box from his jacket pocket and opened, to my amazement was a ring that I could not have ever asked for anything better. It was perfect, and to top it all off, it was a perfect fit! It wasn't until the ice candles started to burn out and melt into the snow that we started to make our way back up to the house where we knew his anxious parents were waiting for us. It was cold and windy atop the valley, or maybe it was the warmth of the fire, and the events of the night that kept us warm until we went back. All I know is I could not have ever imagined a better way to have been proposed to. He did well.
Rock, Paper, Scissors
Rock
The last 2 months have speedily gone by. Wedding planning is off to a great start, and except for minor details pretty much complete. People have said that wedding planning would be stressful, I don't know if I would agree with that. I mean, yes a budget and where the money is going to come from and sticking to your budget is stressful, and trying to make decisions about things for it is hard when your fiance lives an hour away and you only see him maybe once a week. Otherwise, not that bad. The wedding is the one solid thing set, the one thing that can be looked forward to and the one thing that we know what were are doing with, hence Rock.
Paper
So here comes the summer, slowly approaching, the end of April bring Marshall to Graduation, and the huge unknown. What happens next? Where do we go? Does he live in Outlook again, while I live in Craven, long distance for yet another few months, we could do it, we've done it for our whole relationship basically, we can do it for a little bit longer. But we don't want to. A year and a half is long enough doing that. Our options are many, but where are we supposed to be and what are we supposed to be doing? Two questions I am very tired of asking myself and being asked by others. So options are, go to camp again, work, I mean volunteer there for 3 weeks directing the LIT program again, so that's August, lets work backwards then here, July work at a Hockey Camp (I'm still unsure what I am going to do with that one), and bum around, June go mushroom picking in BC, apparently there is some good money in it, and May... well still have no idea. Or do none of that, move to Saskatoon, and get "real" jobs and work all summer. Okay so on paper, the smarter move would probably be move and work, however where is the fun and adventure in that? There really isn't any.
Scissors
So you know when you think you've got something figured out and then you've come to a complete dead end . That, that clear cut line just stopped? That the scissors just stopped cutting, that the dull blade can't cut a straight line anymore without leaving it crumpled and rough. Well that's how I feel about life right now. Nothing is straight, its up and down, curved, sharp and jagged, and sometimes just torn. I feel like I've been cut loose from God, and that instead of wanting to pray about the things I would rather fill that time with useless things... like solitaire. (yes you can laugh, I've become a soliholic).
The Waiting Game
I think I've had a lot of patience this last month. Wanting to know whats going on in the coming months, but because of Marshall having exams and papers due, in his mind he can't think about it. However I don't have papers and exams due and I get to ponder topics like that daily. How much longer do I have to wait to hear from God, to know whats semi going on, to just know when the day comes that my fiance and I can live in the same city for once?
The other day I went for coffee with a friend, and we talked a lot about waiting, and the wondering. Where had God gone to? We both were in the rut it seemed, and didn't know how to get out of it. Its then that it dawned on me that I need people to stop telling me to pray more, read my bible more, but that I need people to pray with me and read with me. I need someone to say "Hey lets pray about that". I need that encouragement. Maybe then God will slowly start to come back into my life again. I will say though, I know He's there, but instead of the sporadic moments of showing up, I want him to be there daily.
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