desert place

I am currently going through a dry spell in life. It is hard to be a pastors wife. Yes I am being honest. I loose my husband a lot of the time to work and I feel that with this title of pastor on us we are viewed differently. That I should have all my little ducks in a row. I don't. Shocker, I know! (Not really) I struggle  with my relationship with God just as much as the next girl, maybe more. I struggle with jealousy, all sorts of it (that's a whole other topic) I struggle with reading my bible, praying, with selfishness (again another topic) and with self confidence among other things. Yet I feel like I am supposed to be some sort of super wife/mother/mentor/friend/daughter who does it all. It turns out I am not. Again shocker! No not really. The hard thing is I want to be super wife/mother/mentor/friend/daughter so I try to be and guess what gets left in the dust...God. I leave him behind and have a I can do it myself attitude that always means one thing ...failure. So I am here now hoping after I am done this weekend and taking in some amazing information and worship at a conference that perhaps I can be wet again, out of my dry spell and that rain will come.

(written a week ago)

I can say a week later, and after, yes, a great conference I still don't feel like I am in a place I wish I was in. Just when I start to feel like I am coming up something happens and I go back a few steps. I just remind myself daily to trust in the Lord, and that he will help get me through.